yoga changes life , at least mine

It is been a while since i last log in and write something new and inspiring.

I have been searching for my lost soul and trying to figure out about life and wonder if i ever heal again and be happy. Thanks to yoga and inspiring teacher that helps me go through the bad times. All i needed was space , space, space and space.

It's amazing to realize how i can change a little in few months just by yoga-ing. :) Other than getting a healthier body, more flexible hamstring, it changes the way i live and how i see life.

I am now....

Happy
Despite that the pills that my doc gave to help me on my emotion and period cycle ( which is not very yogic at this point. well i believe, if i live well, eat well, i do not need pills), i have stop crying , self pity,  being depress for at least 2 months now. I am moving forward , looking forward to every little thing that is happening in life and it makes me happy. Happiness can be very simple, only if u have stop wanting and expecting too much.

I used to think dining in fancy restaurant , buying more clothes and shoes, makes me happy. But, when u realize nothing really matters anymore than u are breathing and living with a healthy body , that is more than enough, isn't it? I am no longer craving for good food, fancy restaurant or more expensive designer's bag to make me happy. I am happy with what i have now. I am happy i am still able to practice yoga, to work, to give, to teach, to love again. I am happy to wear old clothing, to dine in any restaurant that my lunch cost me only MYR 3.90 to fill my stomach. All this makes me happy. The changes in life make me happy :)


Non attachment 
This is an important part of me.
I am so attached to everything that i have, my clothes, begs, shoes, books, cosmetic, yoga stuff, friendship, relationship, everything that probably belongs to me. I cant let go of anything. I could not sleep for a day or two if my favorite short is missing / stolen ( this happened, and i was in totally bad mood, skip dinner , sad)

My ex used to tell me this " baby, if we ever ended ( which is very true for now ), don't be sad, non-attachment liao, u are a yogi ". I told him this non attachment thing that i learn during my TTC patanjali  yoga sutra class - vairagya ( non attach).

Somehow, i could not let go utill i start to focus on yoga, meditating , giving my self space, doing alot of thinking on this non attachment issue that i have.

To me, i think being non attach simply means letting it go. Things happen for a reason, let it happen , accept it, let it go. We come here empty handed and we go empty handed too. So , we dont own anything in this life. Nothing! Whatever we have now, its just temporary. Nothing will last and be forever. Not even the earth will stay as it is forever. So, why stress out over little thing and keep holding it till we cant breath or take it no more. This makes me move on alot . I gave away all my cloths that i dont wear them anymore ( i dont give or donate cause i simply think its mine , mine and mine), i sold off my yoga mats that i bought them simply because i want them at certain point that i dont need them now ( i have my one and only mat that i used 5 years back and it is still in good shape), i keep aside those stuff that reminds me of my last relationship ( photoss...ouch..)My friend once asked me, if u can let it go already , why are u still keeping the gifts and stuff. My reply goes like this.. " if i can already let it go, why do i bother whether this stuff will still remind me of him? after all, those gifts are really useful gifts, mostly yoga stuff :) and i love them! . I moved on by thinking that god has his plan for each of us and maybe we are just not faith to be each's other soul mate for this life. Things happen for a reason and if there is someone needed him or make him happy than i do, i should be happy for everyone. I read this online and its very inspiring .. " if its good, its wonderful .If it's bad, its experience" ( quote and unquote from  My sanctuary yoga facebook page)


To awss.. thank you for all that u gave in our relationship for the last 3 years. I have learned to love, to give and to let go. You might not complete my life , but you were my journey . 




I believe the gift of yoga will be the journey of life. Keep practicing and be present :)

Forgiveness

I choose to forgive

It is the only way to live

The only way to find peace is to set it fee

Surrender

My world turns black when u are away
I wish i could change things but i know i cant
I look for an answer that i will never find

The pain is not going away as i wish it could
How can i live life again like before
I cried my self to sleep and hope the pain will go away while i am sleeping
I woke up the next morning, my pain is still there

I figured out i cant live life this way no more
i wish i could disappear and i was never born
But its silly
God created me for a reason
God put me in a situation like this to learn
He wish i could learn and be wise
God knows best what his plan for us

I hope he is right this time on his decision

I keep all our memories in a box
I deleted some of it because i want to move on
I can not resist to look again if i keep having them
I do not want to break down in the middle of night to cry my self to bed
I have to move on and learn to live life again without u
U were once my soul mate, my friend , my family
But i am a stranger to u now

I love u too much to hate u
The only way to forgive is to accept
Patanjali wisdom is very wise
It will lead me to light and peace
Yoga will not heal my broken heart
But it gave me strength to move on
I can only find my true self only if i surrender now

Surrender now to live life again

Dreams and heart were broken, but the world did not stop rotating

Dreams and heart were broken
The world turn black
The pain is always with me no matter how hard i try
Sometimes , it take more courage to let go then to gain
It is just a hard time when things fall apart
There are no more words left to be said, so its better left unsaid

Forgiveness is easy to say but hard to act
Is only space by my own that i ever needed
The mask that i put on will never cover my sadness
My room is the space is felt home and comfort
Where i can find peace by my own

As time goes by, the wound will heal
All the past will eventually become a memory
Is by looking forward to life that will make u live again
To live life again, is to let go
Letting go is to have space in your heart to heal and welcome new experience that is ahead
The world is not stopping for u when u break down
There are more issue in the other part of the world people are facing
There are more dreams and heart were broken , sometimes even worst one happen
My issue will eventually become something tiny compare to others

There should be hope again when u stand up to face the challenges in life
Life is short
People come and go
Things happen for a reason
When the time is right , god will provide u a solution to everything
Have hope in life and u will find living is a great thing that ever happen to u.

missing soimeone

missing him very much

Best photo ever

one of the best photos took in redang beach on april 6, 2010

yearly vacation with awss

someone i will never be able to let go

someone that has share my dreams and life with. 

he makes me realize how much i loved him and touched my heart in every single way

all my love to u